I have been credited with creating the term “tactard.” It’s a word I use to describe those who live in a tactical dream land where every nuance of guns, ammo, tactics, clothing and anything remotely related, are debated to the infinite extreme. You’ve all seen them, they cannot go to the range without their cargo pants with a built-in tourniquet or their thigh holsters and multiple edged weapons. Even if they are just going to pick up trash. You’ve all talked to them too, they fantasize about firefights they’ll never have and how their doctrine will one day be the way.
I must admit, I did not coin the term. I heard if from someone else. I wish I could remember who.
I’ve taken some flak for using the word. Some think it is insulting and disrespectful to those who are afflicted with mental retardation. I’ve never used it in that way and, in truth, never with any malice. It’s simply the best term I’ve found to describe those afflicted with a tactical obsession. I’ve even hurled it at friends on occasion. I do realize however that in today’s world, where you are not allowed to offend any one, “tactard” is politically incorrect.
That doesn’t bother me too much. Even though my good friend Sheriff Jim Wilson once suggested it might not be appropriate. (Jim is after all the definition of gentleman.)
A post by someone on Facebook this morning recalling, Ballad of the Green Berets by Barry Sadler, reminded me of another one of his songs, Garet Trooper. Now, I’m sure most of you have never heard of either of these songs. But, I grew up in the home of a proud Korean War veteran and this was a record often played. I did a quick YouTube search and found both.
After listening to Garet Trooper a few times I was inspired to create a parity based on the tactard. We’ll call it the “Garet Shooter.” A term I’m sure is a much more politically correct way to describe the coolest looking guy on the range, AKA the tactard. So out of respect for the Sheriff and with apologies to SSG Barry Sadler, enjoy!
It looks like SSG Sadler had all this tactard stuff figured out long before me.
>This is dedicated to the gun range shooter
Who never leaves that nicely manicured range
And always looks real pretty
>Now on the gun ranges all across America
You’ll find a certain kind of man
You’ll see him everywhere
He’s a shooter, a garet shooter
>Yeah, he’s five foot four, 228 pounds of personal wonderment
Got him a tricked out Glock tied down low, quick draw holster
An ankle gun, a belly gun, pepper spray and an impact weapon
Yeah he’s a shooter, a garet shooter
>He’s shot IPSC, IDPA, USPSA and 3 Gun
His gun handling has just been on ranges, mostly trying to impress the girls
And he hasn’t won one yet
But he’s a shooter, a garet shooter
>He’s got a hip knife, a side knife, a boot knife, a shoulder knife
And a little itty bitty one that’s a combination fire starter, ballistic calculator,
and genuine bottle opener
But he’s a shooter, a garet shooter
>Now I run into one the other day, He told me a story,
He said he’d just spent 30 days as an operator
Said he saw the elephant
You know what I saw when I looked down? Brand new Merrell hikers
Yeah, he’s a shooter, a garet shooter
>Now a poor old policeman came by today
His partner was killed, cruiser shot to hell
But he don’t say much
He’s not a shooter, a garet shooter
>And out on the mean streets, in the deserts, and the jungles and the swamps
Living a dangerous life are hard men in uniform
They stay out there and fight for their community and country
They don’t say much ‘cause they’re not shooters, garet shooters
>And I bet finally, when I leave this brass strewn range
The last thing I’ll see will be,
though I may be in a recoil induced stupor
I bet it’ll be, a garet shooter
>Yeah, they’re all over the place
Ant hardly worth going to the range any more
