Turkey Hunting is Stupid Part II – I Missed

He was gobbling while I was putting out my decoys. A professional turkey hunter would have said I was late. I’m not a professional turkey hunter.

I put my back against a tree, which was at the top of a rock cliff, unholstered my Blackhawk and cocked it. I hit a few licks on the call and three turkey birds gobbled. I hit another lick and lost count of how many were gobbling but I did pick up a gobble that sounded more like a pit bull growling than a 25 pound bird.

I said to myself, “This is going to be good.” and hit the call again…I couldn’t stop. The reward was like the gratification of eating one Oreo right after another. There was a pause in the action as the birds flew down under the canopy of the tall pines and then I heard hens clucking and working up to the right. The gobblers were pounding their chests over to my left.

Since the hens were calling, I just shut up figuring they would bring the boys right to my decoys and my gun barrel. The first to show up were more hens; they arrived from the East and paused momentarily to gander at the pathetic foam like ornaments meant to look just like them. I could hear the gobblers following them so I picked up the Ruger and tried to relax.

First to arrive was an ostrich like gobbler with all his attention focused on one hen. They locked up at 40 yards and continued to flirt until the hens to my right began to fight. Then, behind this big bird came five more long beards all in a strut. After showing off their feathers and blowing the tops off the trees, they passed like the lead gobbler but at about 30 yards. I held my fire, hoping for a sure thing.

The gaggle of hens and gobblers were moving off and I heard the troll down in the rocks growl again. Thinking I could pull him up the road between me and where the others had passed I hit the call. A professional turkey hunter would have stayed quite and let him come to the natural action. I’m not a professional turkey hunter.

Most of the birds were now out of sight. They were still creating a ruckus but I knew they were not going to turn and come my way. I thought, I’ll call one more time and then try to move and cut them off. I hit the call and WHAM!! The pit bull like gobble boomed from about 15 feet behind me. The damn bird had climbed the rock cliff and snuck up on me!

When gravity overcame my upwards propulsion and my ass hit the ground, the monster gobbler saw me and as I reached for my pistol he moved behind a tree. A professional turkey hunter would have had his shotgun up and would not have pissed his pants when that bird beast gobbled and blew out his right ear drum.

I swung the Ruger, put the glowing green fiber optic front sight on the bird’s ass as it swiftly waddled away and pulled the trigger.

I missed.

The woods were quite except for the ringing in my ears.

And then, about 60 yards away, the old bird broke the silence one last time as he growled out a gobble that I could have sworn said, “You should have had a shotgun!”

A professional turkey hunter would have had a shotgun and would have stood up and cussed that bird. I’m not a professional turkey hunter. I holstered my six gun and laughed all they way back to the house.

Turkey hunting is stupid!